OK, so there is this guy...
So much is going on yet nothing is happening. Im totally gonna lose my fuckin mind if things dont change soon. The really weird thing is Im not at the point where I just wanna give up & walk away. And I really don't have a clue as to why. Well, I think I may have a clue but I dont really wanna go there yet. If it was anyone else I would have thrown the towel in a long time ago but for some reason this guy has me. I am the Queen of running away & tryin to find something, ANYTHING to get me out of being with someone. But for the first time in a very long time I find myself wanting to be with someone. Not just any someone but this very special someone.
Things with this guy are very strange. Not really strange but just something so very foreign to me. Today he said it best yet it made me really sad at the same time. He said We are excellent friends with this extra chemistry. Is that it?? Really? And dont get me wrong I have completely loved the whole friend thing & if thats all that ever comes of this I will be ok but come on! I dunno. It's like we have all this history yet we dont. I just feel as if I have known him all my life yet in all honesty I didn't really know to much about him till a month ago. It's just that feeling of being 100% real, true with someone. To the point of totally leaving yourself out there in the open. Naked. Raw. Just hoping that the other will join you. And while I am freakin scared to open up to this guy (anyone really) I find myself doing it every single day. The clincher? I dont care! I am so insanely comfortable with him. Do you ever get that feeling of being totally at peace with someone? I mean no matter what you say or do they are not going to judge you? They aren't gonna look at you differently? I feel that way with him. We can be totally silly & goofy not look at the other as a total idiot. I never get enough of this guy. Its crazy! I am so not that way with anybody else. I get really antsy & bored very easy but I have never once been that way with him. I have the best time just standing around talkin to him. Totally insane. Ok, Im totally rambling & not makin sense so Im outta here. More to come later.