1/22/08

Fear. Doubt. Worry. That's me.

Without a doubt I am worry-wart. I doubt EVEYRTHING! I always fear to believe something because Im afraid in the end it wont be. I am always scared something is going to happen to my kids (Ryker & this one still cooking). I am afraid that this baby really isnt a girl. Its hard for me to believe that they are right, they were wrong with Ryker the first time. Im afraid Jaxson will leave even though I know this isnt the case. Im afraid I cant make it on my own. I dont really believe in myself anymore. Im thrilled about having a new baby but scared to death that I cant make it money wise. It's hard enough with one & I barely make it that way. I do have Jaxson this time around & that helps but I am still scared that I cant do it. Im worried that I will never get my credit history in order again. Im scared that my last land lord isnt giving me the proper credit because she doesnt like me. I am afraid I have & will let down Ryker. At times I feel like I dont deserve my kids. I just want the best life I can give them & so much more. Im worried about getting a new car. My car didnt have full coverage as I just paid $5,000 cash for the car in August. I had to leave work in late november & now nobody will hire a 6 month pregnant lady. I have to find something part time or full time for the next 3 months. My savings is looking pretty freakin pathetic these days & those bills dont ever stop. And now I have to buy baby stuff. I know it will work out but its so scary.

OK, wow! I was starting this off as the 7 facts about myself that Ocean tagged me with & then I just went on some lil rant or whatever. Im sorry guys. I guess I just needed to get that off of my chest. Hope everyone is doing well.

1 comment:

oceans5 said...

I have a lot of fears too. The only thing that is truly important is finding enough confidence in youself to make the other things matter less. You are a great mom and it will all work itself out. If we can make it with 3 you can DEFINITELY make it with 2.:)

You will be ok. If you need to or want to talk email me. I can maybe peamail you my email addy.:)