8/12/08

Blah

Im going shopping tonight with the sister in law & I am so excited! I need to get out of the house, maybe that will make me feel somewhat better. The zoloft seems to be helping a lil more these days, my feelings are pretty numb in all honesty. Im just kinda coasting which is a nice change of pace. I need a break. I have no energy as of the last 3 days. Im talking none, zero, zilich. My back is killing me. One place is not healing from my tubel. Im feeling really down about everything expect for my Dad. Which is kinda wild. I am at somewhat peace with the idea of him passing now but everything else seems to be getting at me. How does that make sense? My weight since getting pregnant is bothering me as well. Things are very strange at the moment. I still miss my Dad, I always will. I know that will never change but I have a peace for the moment. That doesn't mean that I will be ok even ten mins from now but for this moment, Im ok. Im going through some strange times for sure. Sorry if I haven't been as social as normal, just in a weird place. Im here & reading everyone's blog though.

5 comments:

Lis said...

Hey honey I miss you, thinking of you always, hugs :)

*** hunzer *** said...

Oh honey ~ I just ache for you.

Let me tell you the best advice I received after my stepdaughter died.

Grief is fluid. You will go through all five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) at different times.

There are days when you will be at peace with this. There are days when you will be PISSED OFF about this. There will be days when you cannot believe he is gone. Sometimes you will go through all five stages of grief in one day...even more than once in one day.

However, as time goes on, you will notice that the time between the stages will start to get longer. This is part of the healing process.

I've been where you are and I'm still there. Amanda has been gone for two and a half years come this Thursday. Her 16th birthday was at the end of July. I continue to go through the five stages on a daily basis. Some days are hard, some days are not.

The one thing that stays the same is my pure, unconditional love for her and my fight to keep her memory alive.

I know that you are a strong woman. You are a fighter and a lover. You will not let your father's memory drift away. You will keep his memory alive with stories, photos and the way you raise your children.

Hugs honey.

The best thing that I can do for myself when it comes to grief is to never stop talking about Amanda. Never stop telling stories about her to her little brothers and sister. Never stop saying "oh, Amanda would have loved this" when I see something that I know she would have loved.

Not only am I fighting to keep her memory alive for my own selfish reasons but also because she died two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with my littlest guy. I need to keep her memory alive for him so that he can grow up with some sense of what his big sister was like.

If you are ever up for it, send me an email so I can give you my cell phone number. Anytime you need to talk, you will know how to reach me.

hunzer(at)gmail(dot)com

~Wrapping my arms around you~

xoxoxo

dont eat the token said...

hugs from me sweetie, and hunzer gives good hugs!

oceans5 said...

Some days will be better than others but you will pull through. Just take it all day by day. I have been wondering where you have been.You are in my prayers.

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Hey Stacia! You changed your blog name!! (aw...marriage...love....)

I do understand how hard it is. Holy Crap...Sarah's advice is fantastic. (Hunzer) She's a very wise lady.

Remember the book we talked about. It's called the Grief Recovery Handbook. It's by John James. Here is the amazon.com link...
http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Program-Divorce/dp/0060952733

Read the reviews on Amazon.

I was lucky enough to be able to not only read the book, but attend
a 12 week class offered by the funeral home we used with my momma. And John James actually was there one night for a lecture, flew to Oklahoma from CALI.

It's also especially good for sudden death situations, like you had w/ your dad. It helps you work thru "unfinished business." My mom and I were very close, like best friends....and I didn't realize until I took this class a few things that I needed to work thru.

If you google him, I believe he has a website, too.

Best of luck to you, dear.
((((big hugs))))

Roxann