8/2/08

An epic post


Last night my Mom called & wanted to take Ryker for the evening. They went to see the minor league baseball team in the playoffs. My Daddy wanted to go see them play as it was their first year & he never made it to it. He was supposed to go the day before his heart attack but since my Brother had to have surgery that day he skipped it. I think it was bittersweet for my Mother to go but something she felt like she needed to do. Last night I had a dream about my Dad & woke up feeling worse than before. Just missing him so much. It's still such a shock & totally unbelievable. I can't believe he is gone for good. You have those moments when it hits that he truly is gone & not coming home & it makes it almost unbearable. Now, I didn't start writing this to talk about my Dad but it happened. It's a pretty heavy day for me.
Monday before last my Dr. put me on Zoloft because since my Dad was in the hospital I have had some pretty bad panic attacks. And this is a med. that doesn't take affect right away, it takes about 3-4 weeks before it really starts to work. I don't know if I am going to make it on this alone at the moment. Im still taking it every night but I think I may need something a lil more fast acting at the moment. I also had surgery last Friday. I got my tubes tied & holy cow! I woke up in pain that I have not ever felt before. He ended up cutting me a lot larger than normal because of scar tissue & wow! I was hurting something bad! I was laying in the hospital bed for 3 hours after I woke up without any pain relief & all I wanted to do was pass out. The nurse gave me two oral pain pills that didn't work for shit before they looked at my chart & saw that I didn't get enough Demerol (spelling). So they came in with a huge dose of that & I was able to pass out. Jaxson had to leave within 30 mins of me getting out of the OR & go to work due to the fact the he is the boss & he no longer had an asst. manager. My Mom stayed with me & bless her heart, had an awful time with being there. The heart center & the day surgery are in the same place. And she said she was fine until after they got my pain under control & then when I went to sleep she left to go get lunch & had to leave the hospital altogether. It didn't bother her till then. I didn't even ask her to come because I didn't know how she would handle being there. But she felt like she needed to be there & when she saw how much pain I was in, it about killed her. Recovery has been very painful to say the least but I also have not slowed down the way I should. Im trying but things need to get done. Jaxson is always getting on to me about that.
Anyway, Jaxson's Mom wanted to keep Layla so she came & picked her up. So, Jaxson & his best friend, Josh, & my SIL, Jordan, & I all went out to eat. Then Jordan & I went shopping & the boys came back here. It was a nice night all in all. Jordan bought me some wedding scrapbook stuff & some zebra ribbon. I got some new makeup that I totally love! My BFF, Brandy, bought some & I tried it & OMG! I love it! And I loved the base that I was already using but when I tried this, I feel in love. I hope that feeling stays! lol
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!! Sorry the post is epic long. *SMOOCHIES*

4 comments:

oceans5 said...

I am so sorry it is still so hard with your dad. I am praying for you and your family. I am also sorry that your tubal was so painful. Mine was not thankfully.

I woke up and had some soreness but then the next day was Halloween and I was able to run around with all 3 kids. Did your doc tell you it would be a quick recovery? I would give him an ear full if he did. LOL. Hope you are feeling better super quick. Can't wait to see some more pics of Layla. She just melts my heart. :)

dont eat the token said...

Woooo
Look at how strong you are! It sounds overwhelmingly tough: mourning your dad, having your baby, getting married, having surgery. Every day brings you to a stronger and healthier tomorrow. I hope the zoloft kicks in and gives you a more peaceful feeling! x

EatCrayons said...

Wow girly your plate has certainly been full lately. I pray that you will continue to find strength and peace. Hope you're feeling better soon! :)

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Geez...so much in your life. I bet you a wishing for a break!

Sorry to hear your tubal was so bad. That sucks! OUCH! Hope you are feeling a bit better.

As far as your grief and panic attacks....I was put on medication after my mom died. It does help if you can make it thru the weeks before it's fully in your system. I am so sorry it's been so hard for you. You might look for a grief recovery program. I went to one and it was awesome! (I can also recommend a good book, if you are interested.)

And you mention your new make up, but you didn't say what kind it is! You know we need to know that!!